加州大学2017秋季申请短文写作辅导与范文精讲(5)-搜狐

引言：加州大学University of California将于今年8月1日开始接受2017秋季的入学申请，最新的8个申请短文题目已发布。达人帮文书darenhelp.com特此推出了连载系列，提供参考范文和写作指导。

在前几期中，我们介绍了

Question1.Leadership

Question2.Creativity

Question3.Talent and Skill

Question4.Educational opportunity OR barrier

Question5.Challenge

本期将继续介绍Question6.Favorite subject和Question7.Community service。

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题目解析

Question 6：Describe your favorite academic subject and explain how it has influenced you.

想想上过的所有课程，达人帮文书darenhelp.com带你做下列填空：“即使不是必修，我也会上【课程名称】。”上这门课并不是为了得到一个好成绩——更重要的是，你很喜爱这门课，并且它在某种程度上对你有影响。

达人帮文书范例

许多同学都有自己最喜欢的学科，在很多情况下，可以用自己在这门学科上取得的优秀成绩或是克服的困难说明这一点。而在这篇达人帮文书darenhelp.com向同学们推荐的文章中，申请人侧重于叙述自己对这门学科的认识、相关实践经历以及仍然需要增长见识的地方。整篇文章显得真挚、诚恳。

Sample for Question6

I have thoroughly enjoyed maths and science A-level and am glad that, in view of reading engineering, I opted to take Further Maths as I have found this challenging but rewarding. The pure and mechanics modules particularly interest me and I would like to continue in this direction. Such is the breadth of engineering, however, I feel at the moment I have not had enough experience of practice in the various branches to make an informed decision about which specific route to go down. Therefore the more general university courses appeal to me, both to give me this experience and to provide a wide base on which to specialize later on. I attended a lecture on engineering which highlighted the increasing importance of a wide range of skills and indeed at Max Fordham LLP, a Building Services engineer where I did some work experience, I witnessed this. The variety of activities and projects that I faced over the week each required a wide range of abilities. I also attended a Headstart course at Newcastle University which I loved; this is what finally confirmed my decision to read engineering at university. The mix of hands on lab work and lectures appealed, as did the diversity of topics we encountered. During my Gap year I am planning to get an industrial placement to give me further experience of engineering and would like to investigate the possibility of doing this abroad.

达人帮文书点评

申请人表明自己一直热爱数学、科学，并且自己还想修更高级的数学课程，为以后学习工程做准备。他认为纯理论部分和机械模块对他有种特殊的吸引力，并且决定向这方面发展。达人帮文书darenhelp.com认为，有时坦白地说明自己的局限，能够更好地表达出对所申请学科的求知欲。就像申请人一样，他认为对于工程学科，自己的经历还不够丰富，所以目前并无法明确选择专攻哪些方面。所以他向往一些内容比较广泛的课程，这样能够拓宽眼界，为以后选择方向提供参考。

接着申请人列举了一些相关经历：聆听工程学方面的演讲，知道了广泛学习各种技能的重要性；并在工作期间，作为一名建筑服务工程师，亲身见证了这点：许多活动和项目都需要各方面能力；参加了Newcastle大学的课程，使自己更坚定地选择攻读工程学；在实验和课堂中接触到的各种主题，深深吸引着自己；他计划在间隔年中参加一些实习，来丰富自己在工程学方面的经历，并且看看自己是否有可能出国从事相关行业。

题目解析

Question 7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

达人帮文书darenhelp.com建议从以下角度进行构思：

l 你为学校或社区的发展尽了一份力吗? 为了实现这个目标，你具体是怎么做的呢? 记住, 即使是细微的变化也会有具大的影响。

l 是什么激发你去行动？你在这个努力的过程中，学到了什么?

达人帮文书范例

许多同学都有或多或少的community service经历。参与community活动，一个必备的素质就是能够融入群体，与他人交流合作。本文作者一开始很孤僻，后来一些经历使他渐渐找到了归属感，并开始为世界上最大的community——earth贡献自己的一份力。

“HELLO! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?” “PEN-YUAN HSING.” I see The Expression, then hear The Response: “What?” Starting the first grade in the US without knowing a single word of English, going back to Taiwan three years later incapable of recognizing a single Chinese character is not exactly an ideal circumstance for blending in. For many years, I was always the quiet one sitting in the corner, the one who few people talked to, the one out of the loop. I was the “local alien.”

I opt to join the Earth Science Club during my first year in Lishan High School, as I always had an interest in astronomy, which happened to be the focus of that year's club activities. For the next three years I spent in Taipei WetNet, I gained not only a close friend, knowledge about the problems our environment faced, but perhaps most importantly found a group of people who shared the same convictions, who are passionate about the same thing, the plight of our precious planet. A year after being introduced to this organization, I was its coordinator and presented my first academic paper at an environmental education conference. I learned that I don't always have to be the quiet one in the corner, that I do and can have things to share with everyone else. I don't have to fear.

Perhaps, somewhere out there is another quiet person in the corner just waiting to be found. A switch waiting to be flipped. You just have to find it, flip it, and make the world a brighter, warmer place.

达人帮文书点评

申请人在小学一年级时从台湾来到美国读小学。那时候，他一个英文单词都不认识。三年后从美国回到台湾，又连中文也不怎么认识了。这样的状况，使得他无法融入任何群体，经常形单影只，被冷落、被孤立。

后来在骊山高中读高一的那年，他加入了地球科学俱乐部。之后又在台北WetNet度过了三年。在这三年中，他不仅交到了一个知心朋友、学到了有关环境危机方面的知识，更重要的是，找到了一群志同道合的朋友。这群人和他一样，对地球所面临的危机深感担忧。他在加入这个组织的一年后，当上了协调员，并在环境教育会议上就他的第一篇学术论文发表了演讲。渐渐地，他终于意识到，自己并不只是那个默默躲在角落里的人，他学会了分享，学会了无所畏惧。

现在，他认为，像自己当年那样静静坐在一个角落里的学生还有很多，他真诚地希望，老师们能够走进这类同学的内心，发现他们的闪光点，助他们完成一次完美的蜕变。